While You Were Aborting Your Labor Day Plans…

50 Cent is looking to duet with Elton John. In a related story, 2 Live Crew is still sitting by the phone, waiting for Celine Dion to call back.

While you may never actually lay eyes on Suri Cruise, one artist is finally giving America a sculpture of what it really wants to see.

Waaaaaay before Jennifer Aniston weddorced Brad Pitt, way before she was earning the GDP of Pakistan for each episode of Friends, way before her hairstyle was a point of national and international intrigue, Jennifer Aniston wore Mom Jeans.

Posh Spice claims she is just the girl next door.

Today’s Award for Worst Pun Headline goes to The Sun, who reports that the lovely Ms. Paltrow has gone Gwyn-dow Shopping.

VH1 to Air First On-Camera Celebreality Murder

Fine, we don’t know for sure that this will happen. Then again, when we caught wind of two new shows the divinely-entertaining/rent-paying VH1 plans on airing next Spring, it almost seems inevitable. Both Andrew Dice Clay and Tom Sizemore will be starring in their own Bonaduce-like reality shows, and strangely enough, both ideas make us want to 1. Set our Tivo’s to season pass these mf’s; and 2. Become secret cutters. Cameras will follow Clay around to various comedy clubs as he tries to regain some of the status and edge that made him a cult figure in the 1980’s, as well as footage from his rocky homelife. Leather jacket and Dep styling gel enthusiasts have never been more jazzed.

Sizemore’s show, however, won’t be all cotton candy and unicorns. The show will follow the troubled-but-now-sober actor to acting auditions and shooting locales, but will also “include flashbacks to his battles with drug and sexual addiction via tape he shot on his own.” Fourteen words: This is going to be hands down the best/most depressing show on television. And we’re not just saying that because the network puts food on the table (she says while taking a caviar bath.) And knowing Sizemore’s notoriously violent temper, odds are 3 to 5 that Tom strangles an incompetent intern within the first 4 weeks.

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